I saw a video where a teacher gave one task to all the students of the class. The teacher gave them a paper with 3 anagrams written on it, and the purpose was to make actual words out of those anagrams.
The teacher told the students to arrange the first anagram and raise their hand after completion. Half of the students on the right side raised their hands after completion, but the other half of the students on the left side did not.
Then the teacher asked the students to arrange the second anagram and raise their hand after completion. Again, half of the students on the right side raised their hands, and the other half of the students on the left side did not.
Finally, the teacher asked the students to arrange the last anagram, and this time, all the students on the right side raised their hands, while only some of the students on the left side raised their hands.
Then the teacher explained to those students that there was a twist. Students on the right half of the class got 2 anagrams that were different from the students on the left half of the class. Those students who raised their hands after solving got an easy anagram, while the other half of the students got an anagram that was almost impossible to solve. Only 1 anagram, the last one, was the same, but still only half of the students were able to complete it.
If the order of anagrams were changed, meaning if the last anagram, the easy one, were first in the list, then all students would have done it easily.
But why did only half of the students complete the last anagram even though it was the same?
The teacher told the students that within 5 minutes, she induced ‘learned helplessness’ in the left half of the students, and she told them to think about what exactly happened and what they were thinking when they saw the right half of the students raising their hands.
The teacher then asked a few students. One student said that she felt stupid; one student said that she felt rushed; one student was frustrated; another one said she felt confused; and one said his confidence was shot.
It was not like that; one half of the students were more intelligent than others. They were all equal. It’s just that half of the students on the left side were victims of learned helplessness.
It basically means that if you were not able to do something first time, then it makes you think that next time also you can’t do it.
For example, if your one business idea did not work, you think others will also not work, or if you asked a girl out and she said no, then next time you stop asking any other girl out. In short, if you failed once, you think that you will fail again, and because of this, you don’t even try.
Learned helplessness in friendships can be carried over to the relationships as well. If you are trying to gain approval from friends by compromising your own values, then chances are that you might do the same with your partner when you are in the relationship.
Not only this, but when you open Instagram and see someone living their dream life, in their dream home, driving their dream car in their dream holiday destination, you will feel that something is missing in your life. You feel that you are behind and that you are not enough, but what you don’t realise is that their story is different than yours.
Your path and destiny are different than yours.
The best way to deal with learned helplessness is to:
- Focus on your path and never compare with anyone.
- Trust yourself and don’t compromise your values just for the sake of approval.
- Try once more with faith because you might have failed the first time, but next time, chances are high that you will achieve what you want.
Your past doesn’t define your future. What you do in the present defines your future.